How our negative body issues ruin our daughters

Last week I saw a video on Facebook about how our children look up to us and often copy what we say and do. The video deals with how the little girls is nice to strangers and people in the mall because her mom is nice to these people. By the end of the video the mom says that she has to choose between telling herself that she looks fat or that she can say that she looks good in the bikini instead of making a negative comment.

This video made me think of my own life. My mom has never been a size 0 or even a size 4. She was always kind of overweight and forever on a diet. My dad always told her she was fat too. Even in 1998 when she lost about 40 pounds and went down from a size 24 to a size 16. Even then she wasn’t thin enough. I was a skinny kid and when I say skinny I mean really skinny. My whole life I heard that my mom was fat even when others told her she looked good or ¬†beautiful. Now that I am an adult I still sit with those negative image scars. Since I was around 16 I’ve been trying to diet on and off again…. just like my mom. I would start going to the gym and then quit after a few months.

When I was in 17 I lost so much weight that I weighed the same as when i was 13. Just the next year I gained all the weight back and then some. When I left school I was constantly on ‘diet’. It would last 2 or 3 months and then I would go back to eating “normally” for a few months and gain all the weight again. When I was 23 I started going to the gym but I only did cardio, every single day. I would cycle and then run and sometimes cycle some more. When this didn’t work as fast as I wanted it to I started going to gym during my lunch break too. In addition I would skip lunch or only eat a yogurt or drink a fruit juice. I lost a lot of weight but it wasn’t healthy. I also started to struggle with my already low blood pressure and now low blood sugar too.

I was starting to lose too much weight and even when I thought I was looking good people would continue commenting about my weight… so either I was too fat or too thin. This further put me in a flat spin. When will I be perfect. When will I be good enough so that people will just say “you look good” but not just that, when will I believe it?

My whole point is that as parents ,as a mother especially, we should watch what we say in front of our daughters … your children look up to you, now they are a mini version of you and someday they will be an extension of you. Although no one in this world are perfect, lets not put negative thoughts in little girls heads. Build them up and although we don’t always feel good about our selves and although we might always think we need to lose more weight, maybe we shouldn’t say this out loud. So that one day they can feel better about their bodies than we do today.

Simonette Lubbe

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